


To Close Both Eyes

by hunghong



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Infidelity, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, broken showhyuk, im sorry minhyuk, sad!minhyuk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 23:07:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8819938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunghong/pseuds/hunghong
Summary: Hyunwoo could feel the exact moment when Minhyuk’s body goes rigid against his. This is not the first time. In fact, Hyunwoo has lost count already. Minhyuk smells people. He will definitely notice it when his husband smells like someone else’s shampoo and he does. He does notice it. Every single time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to Urban Zakapa's Inevitability a lot while writing this, some lines are taken from there.

Hyunwoo breathes out slowly as he puts his hand on the handle of the door. He closes his eyes for a moment, feeling his determination coursing in his veins, and turns the handle. The moment he steps into the apartment he has been living in for the past few years, his eyes find Minhyuk on the sofa across the door, half asleep. This scenery has greeted Hyunwoo countless times already that it almost feels like it’s the most natural thing.  


But it’s not, Hyunwoo screams internally and grits his teeth. This is wrong. This is not how everything is supposed to be.

“Oh, you’re home,” Minhyuk smiles while stretching his body for a bit. He pushes himself to a sitting position before standing up and walking towards Hyunwoo. His smile stays until he’s right in front of Hyunwoo, and it’s genuine.

This is not the kind of smile you give to your husband when he always comes home past two in the morning, if at all.

“I missed you,” Minhyuk whispers as he reaches to hug Hyunwoo tight like he always does.

Hyunwoo could feel the exact moment when Minhyuk’s body goes rigid against his. This is not the first time. In fact, Hyunwoo has lost count already. Minhyuk _smells_ people. He will definitely notice it when his husband smells like someone else’s shampoo and he does. He does notice it. Every single time.

But he also always kisses Hyunwoo’s cheek afterward and smiles warmly, as if nothing has ever happened.

As if he knows nothing.

Hyunwoo finds this sickening.

“I was with Kihyun,” Hyunwoo says, loud and clear.

Minhyuk’s eyes darken before he tears them away from Hyunwoo. He turns around, pacing to the kitchen. “Oh, really? It’s nice to see you both go along so well,” he says in a rush, as if he wants it to end as fast as possible. He then opens the fridge, blocking Hyunwoo’s view with the door, “Do you want to eat? I’ve cooked you something but I think it has—”

Minhyuk is running away. Again. Hyunwoo hates this. “I was _sleeping_ with him, Minhyuk,” he deadpans, finally addressing the elephant in the room.

Minhyuk stops everything that he is doing. He is frozen there, in front of the fridge. The door is still covering him from Hyunwoo’s eyes and he grips on it for dear life. After a while, he says, “Oh, you must have been so tired that you have to sleep in his place before going home.” He definitely tries to sound nonchalant but his voice is breaking.

Hyunwoo takes a deep breath and exhales it audibly. He’s tired, yes, but not physically. He’s mentally exhausted by being in this relationship. By pretending that everything is alright when he knows it’s anything but. “Don’t act stupid, Min. You know what I mean.”

There’s a moment of nothing but silence before Minhyuk closes the fridge and stomps his way to the kitchen table. With shaking hands, he takes a knife and starts chopping something. “I’ll make you something, you go shower first.”

Hyunwoo groans. He starts to _really_ hate Minhyuk and he doesn’t want it. However terrible their relationship is right now, Minhyuk is still someone that he cares about deeply. He truly loved this very man before, and he might still do, even if for the slightest. This is not even Minhyuk’s fault. This is nobody’s fault. They just met in the perfect point of their lives and then drifted apart. They’re completing each other perfectly in an exact moment, and then grew to two different ways.

Minhyuk was bright and spontaneous and warm; a perfect match for Hyunwoo who was calm and monotonous and warm too. But now Minhyuk settles with stability and thrives for the sense of security, while Hyunwoo seeks for the spark of challenges and craves for excitement; for the thrill and anything amusing.

They were perfect for each other, but not anymore. At one point of their relationship, the love has run stale.

Then, Kihyun happened. In all the twisted fate and ridiculous turn of events, Kihyun happened. Kihyun, out of all people. Yoo Kihyun, Minhyuk’s own best friend. Yoo Kihyun, their best man. He happened, and Hyunwoo swears he is the best thing that ever happened to his life.

But Kihyun is no evil. He feels guilt and it consumes him. However daring he is, he still couldn’t turn blind eyes on Minhyuk. He has tried his best, but he cares too much for Minhyuk. This is breaking him more than it seems to break Minhyuk and now he’s pleading Hyunwoo to stop—to leave him alone and to go back to Minhyuk—because what they’re doing is _wrong_.

And so, here Hyunwoo is, trying to get Minhyuk to face the truth, because if being with the one he loves is wrong, then staying with someone he doesn’t love is worse.

Minhyuk is making this impossible, and it’s frustrating Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo walks to the table and stops across of Minhyuk. “I sleep with him, Min. I have sex with him. I go out on dates with him. I _love_ him. Until when are you planning to run away from this? You know this, I know you do.”

Minhyuk’s whole body is shaking. He is gripping on the knife but he is not cutting anything. His head is down. His knuckles are white.

“I don’t know what you’re talking—”

“Stop pretending! I’m sick of this game you’re trying to play,” Hyunwoo slams his palms to the table. He rarely gets angry, but this is just too much.

Minhyuk flinches, but only for a bit. Other than that, he doesn’t budge.

Hyunwoo feels guilt creeping up his spines. It just feels terribly wrong to yell at Minhyuk, no matter how angry he is. “What are you thinking, really? You _know_ what’s happening and yet, you’ve never said a thing. You didn’t even ask. You just glaze over this as if this doesn’t bother you. As if it doesn’t matter that your husband is sharing a bed with someone else,” Hyunwoo exhales a long breath, feeling that there’s something else beside anger bubbles in his chest. He tries to calm himself, letting this other feeling taking over the anger. 

Minhyuk still refuses to answer. It almost looks like he’s tuning Hyunwoo out.

Hyunwoo finds a word for his other feeling that is growing inside him. It’s disappointment. “You didn’t even try. It almost feels that this— _us—_ is just a routine. A constant. Something that has to be there. A _job_. You do what you do, I do what I do. This is not even a relationship anymore, Min.” Hyunwoo runs his fingers through his hair. Even though he has decided to do this beforehand, it still hurts to actually do it. He forces the sentence to slip out of his mouth. “I want a divorce.”

The word gets an immediate reaction from Minhyuk. He hits the table with his fist, gripping the knife so hard that his knuckles go white. His whole body is shaking. He is trembling. “No!” he shouts, his voice hoarse and rough. “No, you can’t do this to me.”

“This is not working—”

“I love you, Hyunwoo, isn’t that enough?” Minhyuk finally looks up at Hyunwoo. He’s been crying. Silently, through all the words that Hyunwoo said to him.

It still pains Hyunwoo to see Minhyuk like this, but he has made his decision. So, he continues with it. “But I don’t love you like you love me anymore, Min. You know this.”

“And so what if I love you more than you love me? That’s enough, isn’t it? Love is never equal anyway, one will love more than the other and I don’t mind being the one that loves more,” Minhyuk’s words come out in a train of emotion. His eyes are now directed to Hyunwoo and Hyunwoo only, letting Hyunwoo see into the barest of his soul.

Hyunwoo opens his mouth to reply, but Minhyuk is not finished yet.

“And it matters, Hyunwoo. The fact that my husband has been sleeping with _my best friend_ matters. It hurts me. It _kills_ me,” Minhyuk clutches the front of his shirt and his voice is screeching. Tears are streaming down his cheeks. “I _do_ mind sharing my husband with someone else, even though this someone else is someone that I care more than myself. But you matter more for me, Hyunwoo. _You_ is what matters the most for me. I know that you’re sleeping with my best friend, but I also know that you _will_ leave me for him the moment I bring it up. I don’t stand a chance, do I? So I made my own chance. All that I want is for us to work. For us to stay together. For us to be okay. Is that too much to ask?”

Minhyuk raises the heels of his hands to his eyes, wailing behind it. Blood is coming out from his palm, the result of gripping to the knife too tight and too carelessly. He doesn’t seem to notice it, for the pain he is enduring inside is far greater than the physical pain. Minhyuk is crumbling down. He is falling apart.

To be honest, Hyunwoo didn’t expect that Minhyuk would be this ruined. Minhyuk has always put on a bright appearance, even when he _knows_ for a fact that Hyunwoo was with Kihyun. At one point, Hyunwoo even thought that maybe—just _maybe—_ Minhyuk wants this too. To end their relationship. To be free from the facade they have been playing out.

But Minhyuk is nothing but alright. Seeing how Minhyuk is right now, Hyunwoo could guess how broken inside Minhyuk has always been. Hyunwoo goes soft seeing Minhyuk like this. He couldn’t not, he still has a heart. There’s a lump in his throat. A doubt. The guilt. Minhyuk is a complete mess, and what worse is that Hyunwoo is the reason for this. Slowly, he approaches Minhyuk, trying to figure out what he should do. His chest hurts, but he feels weirdly detached. It feels as if he’s a spectator of this tragedy, instead of someone who is actually in it.

Minhyuk’s pain is no longer Hyunwoo’s. Hyunwoo feels for Minhyuk, but anyone would feel for Minhyuk when he’s this broken and fragile.

“Hey, hey,” Hyunwoo carefully reaches for the knife and coaxes Minhyuk to release it. He puts it down and pulls Minhyuk into his arms. This is wrong, he knows, but this is the only way that he knows to calm Minhyuk down. “I’m sorry, okay? Really, I’m sorry. It’s just— It’s not that easy.”

Minhyuk curls into Hyunwoo’s arms. “I don’t need much, Hyunwoo. I just need _us_. I need us,” Minhyuk tells in between his sobs, clutching to Hyunwoo’s shirt. It’s getting harder for him to breathe, he is just a second away from being hysterical. “You can love him as you please. You can be with him. You can do anything what you want, as long as you don’t do it in front of me. I just want you to make us work when you’re with me. I just want you to let me have us. That’s all. That’s all, Hyunwoo, that’s all.”

“Min—,” Hyunwoo’s word dies in his throat. The violent shake of Minhyuk’s body reverberates to his entire being, making him feel how massive Minhyuk’s pain is.

“I don’t care if you don’t love me as much as I love you,” Minhyuk continues, ignoring the fact that he’s running out of breath and that he’s smearing blood on Hyunwoo’s shirt. “As long as you still love me, that would be enough,” he whispers, desperate and weak.

Hyunwoo’s body goes rigid outside his control.

“You still love me, right?” Minhyuk asks. His voice is filled with fear. He looks up at Hyunwoo. Despair and misery are slowly claiming his eyes.

Hyunwoo sighs. He looks away, because he couldn’t look at Minhyuk’s eyes—not when they’re pleading something that Hyunwoo couldn’t give because he doesn’t have it.

Hyunwoo could practically hear Minhyuk’s heart break even more. He could feel it. He could feel the way hope seeping out of Minhyuk’s body. He could feel the moment in which Minhyuk is registering the meaning of his silence. He could feel the fear, the dread. Hyunwoo could feel the fall and rise of Minhyuk’s chest—irregular before growing into a violent pace. A denial. A refusal.

“Answer me, Hyunwoo! Tell me that you still love me. Tell me that— That—” Minhyuk goes berserk. His arms fly to hit Hyunwoo’s shoulders, Hyunwoo’s arms, Hyunwoo’s chest, but it’s not Hyunwoo who is hurting. It’s Minhyuk. It has always been Minhyuk who is hurting. 

Hyunwoo hugs Minhyuk, not knowing other ways to stop Minhyuk from hurting himself even more. He hugs him tight, tucking his head under his own chin, running his hand on Minhyuk’s back. Hyunwoo keeps Minhyuk in his arms until Minhyuk slowly surrenders, becoming limp and weak, holding onto Hyunwoo like Hyunwoo is the only reason for him to stay alive. And probably that’s the case.

Minutes passed with only Minhyuk’s sobs echoing in their home. Minhyuk keens, suffering and in pain. He keeps asking Hyunwoo to answer him over and over again, but Hyunwoo wouldn’t grant his wish. Finally, he stops asking. He stops asking and pleads instead.

“Lie to me,” Minhyuk says. His voice is weak and defeated. “Lie to me, Hyunwoo. Please.”

And it’s so heartbreaking, how small Minhyuk feels inside the confinement of Hyunwoo’s arms. How fragile he is. How harrowing and desperate his request is. How the brightness that is always radiating from Minhyuk’s presence is absent, nowhere to be found. How this is the true Minhyuk is, under all those smiles and laughter that he has been hiding behind. That this is how broken Minhyuk is inside. That this is all because of Hyunwoo.

Finally, Hyunwoo does what Minhyuk asks him to do. In a whisper right to Minhyuk’s ear, he lies, “I still love you, Min.”

***

Kihyun gets a text from Minhyuk to come over to their apartment when the morning comes. He heads to the apartment in a heart beat, despite not knowing what is waiting for him.  
  
Initially, he thought that this is it—the end of his affair with Hyunwoo—and he is somehow grateful about it. It has been fun and thrilling at first, but he couldn’t shake the gnawing guilt that consumes him inside out. The fun has turned into pain. The thrill has turned into a game of letting go. And it’s hard—letting go of Hyunwoo is—because Kihyun has truly fallen for the man and it feels like a curse. A disease. A plague.  
  
But then, he sees Minhyuk’s smile despite his swollen eyes and injured hand and he knows something is amiss.  


Minhyuk escorts Kihyun to the dining table where Hyunwoo has been sitting in silence. Hyunwoo refuses to look at either of them and Minhyuk urges Kihyun to take a seat beside his husband.

“The reason why I invite you here today is”—Minhyuk gets a roast out of the oven and puts it on the table—“because today is my anniversary with Hyunwoo.”

Kihyun steals a glance towards Hyunwoo and Hyunwoo deliberately avoids him. Something is wrong. Very wrong.

Minhyuk sits across of Kihyun and folds his arms on top of the table. He beams towards Kihyun and says, “And I think, out of everyone that I know, you are the one that I want to share this happiness with. Because I _know_ you are happy for us. For our marriage. Right, Kihyun?”

Kihyun doesn’t know how to answer this. He almost spills everything right there and then, apologizing to Minhyuk because he is definitely not as good of a man as Minhyuk thinks he is. He doesn’t deserve Minhyuk. He doesn’t deserve Minhyuk’s warm smile and Minhyuk’s trust. But then, Hyunwoo’s hand finds his. Hyunwoo grips his hand tight, and even though it is under the table, Kihyun catches the way Minhyuk’s eyes go there before going up again, looking at Kihyun’s eyes. Waiting.

Kihyun doesn’t know what is happening and it makes him uncomfortable. His brain starts making some sense out of the situation, but he is not ready to accept it.

“Right, Kihyun?” Minhyuk asks again, yanking Kihyun out of his trance.

Kihyun looks up and, at that exact moment, he realizes that Minhyuk wasn’t simply asking. Minhyuk was pleading. _Begging._ Kihyun could see in Minhyuk’s eyes that something has really happened in the past few hours, and it was surely not pretty.

Kihyun looks at Hyunwoo, trying to find a more elaborate answer from the older, but Hyunwoo still refuses to look at him. Hyunwoo just grips his hand tighter and tighter. His thumb is drawing circles on Kihyun’s skin.

Minhyuk’s eyes wander to the direction of their hands again. He gulps down and his eyes gradually become glassy.

There’s no way that Minhyuk is not seeing this.

Minhyuk pushes out a forced laughter and asks again, “What’s the matter, Kihyun? You’re happy for us, right?”

That moment, Kihyun truly sees it. He sees the despair in Minhyuk’s eyes. The defeat. The plea.

This is insane because it feels like Minhyuk is begging for Kihyun to allow him to be with Hyunwoo when he is the one who is Hyunwoo’s husband. His heart is aching for Minhyuk. His heart is breaking for Minhyuk.  


Kihyun takes a deep breath. He still doesn’t know what exactly is happening, but if this is what Minhyuk wants, then Kihyun wouldn’t deny it. He gives Minhyuk his best smile, then reaches across the table to ruffle Minhyuk’s hair.

“Yes. Of course, I’m happy for you guys,” Kihyun says while interlacing Hyunwoo’s fingers with his.


End file.
